I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
