i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she told me i tasted like america
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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