So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize