No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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