Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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