The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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