$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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