Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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