I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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