This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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