Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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