Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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