Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
