Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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