Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm bleeding and have questions
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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