i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
