That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
