Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize