I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
