loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
