I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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