doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
