I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize