He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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