we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
