I am in a vortex of obligation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
