I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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