I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize