You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
