Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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