I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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