The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize