I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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