So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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