i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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