Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think i got beer on your cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
