a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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