Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
