I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize