uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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