A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
