I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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