using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
