We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize