is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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