new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
