it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
