You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
