just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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