I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
