I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize