I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have grass duct taped all over my body
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
