she woke up with a sticky ear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
