Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
