the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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