turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize