i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
