its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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