Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
