it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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