I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
