Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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