and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
