But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
