Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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