it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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