I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize