I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize