2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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