Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
