better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
