is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
