the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
