My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
