Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
