There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
