when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
