At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
