So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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