I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My feet surprised me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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