i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
