I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize