I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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