we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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