dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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