I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
