Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
