I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
