I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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