i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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