She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
