I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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