went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
