i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize