She said her name was "party"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Floor bacon is actually really good
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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