You made me cry and you don't even care
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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