is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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