separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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