remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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