Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
