last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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