yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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