I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
