Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize