we have pet lesbian snakes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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