Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
